Hypothetically speaking...

So,

Hypothetically speaking,

If I liked a guy so much, even after quite some time, I still think of him, even after a thousand years not seeing him, I can still see him clearly as if he was walking or exist in my parallel vision...

Is it love?

If I couldn't seemed to get myself to be over him, like how Rachel convinced herself she was over Ross in Friends when the truth was she was never 'under' him in the first place, and I still gulp at the sound his name pronounced or I still wonder how is his day at night when I couldn't sleep, suddenly out of nowhere, when I wasn't even trying to think of him and then I convinced myself I'm over him, I've long stopped thinking about him, but I didn't...

Am I still not over him?

If I tried my very best to delete everything about him in my brain, but yet I still secretly hiding from my own self, memories of him, in my drawers, in my notes while changing my phone, I could just throw them out because it will never be heard by him or it won't even matter to him, or to anyone but myself, but still I decided to retype it and rename it into something nobody would even think of opening if they came across my hidden stash of feeling written everywhere...

Am I reluctant to let him go?

And then when after what seemed like a million years not seeing him, just when you thought aaaah, this is it, this is the feeling of not being emotionally attached to someone who doesn't even acknowledge my presence or have the tiniest clue about what's going on in this noisy brain of mine, and then bammmm! your world collided again, and your heart literally stopped at the sight of him, like literally not even figuratively, and then after the whole day, on your way home, you replay every single event, every single thing that happened that can give a hint he was suffering just like you, but doing a great job at hiding it better than you are, instead all you got is this montage-like memories of him laughing, frowning, talking to others but you, playing with that little kid, tugging at your heartstrings, and then you start feeling feverish thinking of all these, in fact every time you met him, you will feel feverish afterwards, you thought it was coincidence but no, it wasn't..you put your head against the wheel, trying to calm all these thoughts, but in vain...

Why am I so stupid to be hung up still?

But it's the secret of the heart, one can't be tamed, can't be understand, can't be decipher into simpler meanings.. It's a weird happiness you will feel for a moment, followed by suffering.. You liked it, yet you don't like it, you feel happy and content just at the thought of him, yet you feel so alone at night..

It is true what they say... Only the lucky ones will be able to love. But only the luckier ones will be loved back.

All of these, of course is just hypothetically speaking...