You will be missed..

This morning I woke up groggily. I haven't been sleeping well for the past two days. It's like my heart is not settled. I should've known it was a sign. 

After bathing and praying, I went to my mom's room to kiss her before I left for school. My mother and my sister who was wide awake stared at me emptily. Then my sister said, 

"Na, Remo is dead,"

Such a short line but a powerful impact. I fell beside the bed, asking her to repeat. They just stared at me again quietly.

I should've seen it coming. He has been sick for the past few days. I told my father just the other day but I guess it was too late. 

Yesterday we crowded beside you, talking to you, teasing you. You tried to open your mouth but nothing came out. I know the way your neck stretches when you're about to say something but this time nothing came out. 

"He fell and now he's as hard as a rock,"

My brother who just woke up was being ushered quickly to the bathroom like a robot, he barely had time to react. But once he's finished dressed, he sat on the bed crying in my sister's arm. 

I started crying. Remo has been a friend. More than that. He has been like a family. Always there when you needed to talk to him. Always answering your calls. Talking to you no matter when you're down or happy. And now he's just gone. 

I walked slowly towards downstairs. My brother tugs on my hand. Probably he's feeling it too. The cold. I just stood at the door, peeking inside to his place. It is true then. He's really gone. While I was bathing earlier, I was imagining sitting down, talking to him, asking why has he not been eating properly. Not talking. But I guess now its just too late. 

Dear Remo, 

I know in a million years you will never hear this words. But I hope you were happy when you were with us. Thank you for lighting up my day when I'm down and responding happily whenever I'm chirpy. I'm sorry I haven't been spending too much time with you, didn't make more time for you. Just know that in my heart you're a part of the family. It is so sad to see you go. You were an amazing companion. We could just sit quietly and still not feel lonely. Now the place will be empty. I don't think anyone can replace you. But I'm glad your suffering has ended. 

Bye my friend. 

I love you. 

We drove in silence to school. I had to get Syamir out of the house to settle everything. He just sat there staring out of the window. 

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"What you're thinking about?"

"Just Remo."

After a long pause, he said, "I'm gonna miss him,"

"I know baby but at least we know he's not suffering anymore."

"I know." 

Then he continues staring out the window.

When I dropped him at the school, he was still quiet. I tried distracting him, but he was just upset.

I waited till the teacher came.

"Teacher, our pet just died this morning. Could you please watch for Syamir today? When I left him, he was so quiet. I don't know how he's dealing with it. And if he couldn't concentrate or starts crying can you just call us?"

"Oh no. May I know what pet it is?"

"It's a bird,"

"Okay don't worry about it. I'll talk to him and make sure he's alright,"

"Thank you teacher so much.

Yes. Thank you teacher for not thinking this is a light matter and just dismiss it like that. 

Thank you Remo for the good times we had. I'll miss you despite being terrified to hold you. But we talked. And a lot of times I actually felt better talking to you. But what can I do? I didn't understand when you were telling me something. 

Have a safe journey.

                                   That time I gave you a shower and dried you up.

WIN : Who is Next?

WHO IS NEXT!!!! 

소리 지르!!

I started watching this show only after the whole thing was over. After I've know who the Winner was. I couldn't help it. People on my timeline kept going on and on about it I just have to watch 'em. And I have the slightest regret I didn't watch it when it was on air. 

And I'm thankful I did. I felt attached to them just after 10 episodes. Now I know the feeling of the fandom who has been with their idols ever since they debuted. 

Honestly, I've just come to know about CNBlue and BigBang long after they debuted so I can't really call myself their ultimate fan ever. I haven't been with them thru their best and worst. 

Now let's get back to the task. 

Initially Papa YG had said he's planning to debut new girl group late this year. However, being YG and confusing, suddenly it is decided they will debut boy group first following the survival program. PSY had it right when he said it is going to be cruel. But little did I know YG was going to cry. Haha.

Papa YG had two teams prepared for debut. So his plan was to let both of the team to compete and the viewer's choice will debut under the name WINNER and carry the torch of YG frontline for the next 8 years just like BigBang did for the last 8 years. So I started knowing who's going to win and it was a pity. I could have anticipate like the rest of the world did but now I get to know the result with a pain in my heart.

Oh god. It was seriously a good show. It portrays how good YG trainees are. I'm all Team A because I came to know Lee Seung Hoon from KPOP Star and just couldn't help but root for him. Suddenly, ever since from episode 1, I find myself rooting for Team B as a whole. I mean I could tell each and everyone in Team A names ; Kang Seung Yoon, Kim Jin Woo, Nam Tae Hyun, Lee Seung Hoon, Song Min Ho - and I still confuse with some of the Team B, but their teamworks are seriously, as the Korean put it, 장날 아니야 (no kidding). 

Team B won the first assessment, judged by Papa YG. It was seriously cool of the trainees to come up with everything on their own. My whole misconception of trainee in Korea was changed. I've always thought they are being chosen purely based on their looks, train them and poof debut them. I don't know if it was YG strenuous training but these guys are seriously good. They can compose, choreograph, do songs arrangement and write lyrics all on their own. That's what I call a true artist. 

By the second assessment I still couldn't brain how come Team A won because Team B was just better and you couldn't help but fall for Hanbin B.I's talent and leadership and Bobby's charm, and Jin Hwan's eye smile. In the earlier episode, I just thought Team B vocal was much better, dancing was much synncronize and well choreographed, and their teamworks were amazing. Apparently, the YG people agrees with these points and with 15 to 10, Team B won again. However, I still am rooting for Team A thru this whole process. Yeah, call me uncertain. I fall for one group and can't help but feel the same for the other. 

In one episode, they had a battle between JYP trainees and YG trainees. JYP got some skills in the house but I think vocal wise I'll fall back to YG goons. However, uri Jin Woo kinda messed up the lyrics bit. 

Then on their third assessment, each team received TaeYang and G-Dragon as their producer. This is quite a combo because as a trainee Tae Yang had never lost against G-Dragon but this time it is proven otherwise. However, this is when the voting started, and they found that the viewers doesn't agree with Papa YG and Team A won just by a small margin. 

We fell in love again with their back ground stories. Bobby with his family away living in America, B.I being his family hope, he has been doing this since he was a kid, Jin Woo, had left his hometown and never saw his father for the past three years, who is a captain on a boat, always away on the sea. Dong Hyuk visiting his passed father. Crying guys means sensitive guys not wimps. I absolutely love these boys. I just love hard working people and inspire to be like them no matter what field they're in. I just wanna be by their side and say to them, "You're doing a great job," 

Anyway, the second battle, they had to make a new song and dance battle and perform a given song with their twist. 

Team A performed : 

1) Officially Missing You - Original Singer : Tamia

2) Dance battle

3) Smile Again : composed by Kang Seung Yoon

Team B performed : 

1) Baby - Original Singer : Justin Bieber

2) Dance battle

3) Winnin' : composed by B.I, Bobby, Kim Jin Hwan

I gotta admit, this is when I finally see why is Team A winning. They just got the aura. I couldn't get the song Smile Again out of my head till today. 

Nam Tae Hyun parts just gets to me. 

But then I still couldn't get HanBin's 눈빛 out of my head. *confuse* 

Anyway, dancing wise I think Team B is still great. However, composing wise I think Smile Again was a jackpot. 

This time, Team A won the judges approval and again nabbed viewers' votes. By now Team B, who felt slightly ahead, is feeling the pressure. Team A started to understand their mentor's TaeYang advice what it meant when you enjoy yourself on the stage, the audience will feel it too. 

While preparing for the final battle, this time they were given the task to give colors to Teddy's arrangement Just Another Boy, dance battle and finally another self-written, composed song. 

In Team A, three of them started writing immediately ; Kang Seung Yoon, Song Min Ho and Nam Tae Hyun. Surely, these trainees are talented. However, in the end, again Kang Seung Yoon's was chosen. Team B had Bobby and B.I putting their heads together and came up with a song. After being rejected few times, they finally got it right. 

And I tell you they got it right. 

Team A's rendition of Just Another Boy was about them achieving their dream, hoping all 11 of them are able to stand on the stage together one day, while Team B was more heart touching, about being single and everything. I feel ya brother.

The dance battle were good, message is conveyed. They want this badly. I actually like Team A's better despite the Team B's over flooding with masculinity, t-shirt shredding and everything.

Lastly, the original song. Both team were good. Team A's Go Up was catchy, I liked it immediately.  

But there's something about Climax.. just made me cry. I couldn't help it. From the beginning of the song till the end of the show I didn't stop crying. Not even for a minute. Heeee. From the beginning when Bobby started rapping, I could tell he was sincere, it was about his mom. First heart-shot. Then chorus. The minute B.I walked to the front stage, bam! stage light focus mainly on him, second heart-shot. Omg omg omg. I still remember how he scream Who Is Next???! I totally felt the emotions. It was overflowing and overwhelming. It was a truly beautiful stage. The lyric 'Even if this is the last time we stand on the stage' .... I just couldn't. Even Papa YG couldn't say much. The whole audience was in tears. He's gonna make a great artist some day. He's already is. 

By now, everybody was crying. This moment I started feeling slightly bad. I know Team B deserve to win so much more, but fate is siding Team A. Hell even Team A thinks they deserve it, but viewer's choice. I kinda still hoping Papa YG have a change of heart and debut all 11 of them on one stage. WINNER. However, I'm not sure if that will be the right choice. Because will all 11 colors shine if they're together. In smaller group, they can be noticed but in larger group, there's just too little part for each person and I'm not sure if that's fair for them. Maybe Papa YG can debut both team soon, not delaying Team B's debut that much longer. I mean they already have a great fan base. 

Aigoo Papa YG you do the thinking. I just think I'll miss the boys if they debut late. 

Hehe. Anyway, I just want to share the newly develop love I felt for the boys. Since Team A is gonna debut as WINNER soon, let's support them with sincere heart and hope they will be riding the Hallyu Wave and be the next global star. 

Plus, thank you to Seungri for kneeling down to Papa YG asking to debut all of them. ^_~V 

WINNER fighting! Team B fighting! Kim Jin Woo fighting!

Hahaha isn't it obvious who I'm biasing?